One of the hardest things I have ever done

Ok, so, maybe I am being a little over the top dramatic with the title, but...then again, maybe not.

Here's what life has been like around here for the last, say, 2+ months.

Wake up, do morning routine, try to get the baby to take a nap. Give up on the nap and do something else. Try to give the baby a nap. Give up on the nap and do something else. Try to give the baby a nap. Give up.....you get the picture. All day, every day. Sometimes it's 6 or 7 hours straight of this. Poor baby is exhausted. He has gone all day without a single nap many days, others it's 4 or 5 pm before he gets any rest...and finally collapses into exhaustion for a fitful and restless nights sleep. Ugh.

I guess I should clarify that there have been SOME days where he naps, but they are by far fewer in number than the other.

Here are some of the reasons he can't sleep:
* Tummy troubles. He has always had a lot of gas, and at about 2 1/2 months it turned into a TON of gas that made him completely uncomfortable. We have changed/added several things to his routine and I think this problem is finally getting under control.

* Big sister. Without fail, at least once a day, she has a potty emergency RIGHT when I am getting him to fall asleep. She is getting better at getting to the potty alone, so the other day I tried to talk her into using her stool to get up so I wouldn't have to put him down right away. She did great. She got all the way to standing on her stool and her pants down before she had the accident. So then Keith woke up AND she had an accident BOTH. Yeah, that worked out.

She also has learned she has to be "super quiet" while I am putting him in bed. However, she is only 2, and barely 2 at that, and self control is a very difficult thing. She tries SO HARD to be quiet...the sweetie...but she will see something that she gets excited about and wants to play with and expresses that, or accidentally knocks something over...or, the list goes on and on. Keith sometimes will sleep through these distractions but this is only after complete exhaustion is approaching.

* I forget to make him burp before I put him down (or he WON'T burp bc he's already asleep then he has to wake up to burp and WON'T go back to sleep).

* Various reasons for which I do not understand.

I'm sure you can imagine how this has been difficult for all of us. Keith is a super happy fun baby if he's had enough sleep. Super fussy grump if not. Hey--I would be too if I was so sleep deprived!! (wait--I AM!) Belle hardly gets any one-on-one during the marathon 6 hour try-to-get-the-baby-to-sleep days. And my patience gets a super test, my stamina a work out, and nerves a blow. With a lot of days no Daddy to come home and rescue us. On the days he is home it is considerably better for both Belle & I, as just being in the house keeps us calm--not to mention all the time he spends with Belle, and breaks I get. But it makes no difference for Keith. Still sleepless.

SO I determined long ago the best way to solve this problem is to teach Keith to fall asleep on his own. Then he can do it without me rocking him, and free from distractions. First, we had to get his tummy troubles under control. Then, we had to decide if he was old enough. I talked to a lot of you for advice (Thanks!), read up on the experts, stewed and stewed over it, and finally decided it was time.

Even after ALL that, and how difficult the last few months have been, it did not make it any easier to leave him in bed smiling up at me with those so trusting eyes and angel face. It broke my heart. Then to leave him there while he cried for an hour broke it again several times. He finally went to sleep. Today we are on day 4 of putting him to bed awake. It isn't any easier to leave him there smiling up at me, but he cried for 10 minutes and went to sleep.

Some of you will say he is fine, it won't hurt him. Others will disagree and say you should never let your babies cry it out. I'm still not sure about the whole thing, but I honestly didn't know what else to do. Here's to hoping that after he learns to fall asleep at night we can easily transition him to napping on his own. Here's to praying that, actually. And son, if someday you turn out to have abandonment issues or a low self esteem, I really am sorry. I love you.

There's me being dramatic again.